Sucker Punch

Ladies and Gentlemen, the first Speed Racer of the year nominee has landed!

The future director of Superman: Man of Steel (2012) decided to open the season with a hilarious trainwreck.

Following a number of cliches strung together by a horrible Sweet Dreams cover, the heroine Baby Doll (no, I wish I would be kidding you) ends up in an Asylum, which is naturally run by crooks who do the only reasonable thing and run a brothel with the girls. Baby Doll and a given number of inmates plan to escape from the asylum. Using her imagination to dance (yes seriously) Baby Doll battles Nazis, Dragons and everything that was already shown in the trailer – showing us how much could have gone wrong with Inception.

Seeing that Speedracer nominees make a constructive review superfluous, here is the following drinking game for Sucker Punch:

1 shot whenever you hear a song that does not fit at all with the scene

2 shots if you recognize that said song is a horrible cover version

1 shot if you’re sure that that guy is Mr. Spock!

1 shot whenever the movie tries to get across a deep message

2 shots for every scene that feels like the set up to a demented porno

1 shot at the moment when the porno would start

1 shot when the imagination of the main character looks like something a 15 year old boy would dream up but no woman in her entire lifetime

1 shot if you don’t understand why a woman would imagine herself wearing one of the most revealing sailor moon outfits

1 shot if there’s no other explanation than that guy being Spock

1 shot if a woman is presented as sexual object/if a man is depicted as sleazy and disgusting

2 shots if the man is fat

4 shots at the MTV-cartoon-scene about 50 minutes in (you will know what I mean)

1 shot for every action scene devoid of tension

1 shot for the only moment when reality and imagination create a short sense of drama

1 shot if theres SLOOOOOOOOWWWWW MOOOOOTION ANDTHENSPEDUPFOOTAGE! (warning: health risk!)

2 shots if you thought the action scene was already over but it is still going on

3 shots if you called the “mystery” at the moment Spock introduced it

1 shot for every time when SERIOUS DRAMA is accompanied by SERIOUS ACTING

MINOR SPOILER:

1 shot if you don’t understand why Spock is driving a bus